Happy Valentine’s Day! Full disclosure: I am not a huge fan of this holiday. I am, however, a fan of love in all of its various forms.
Why? I’m so glad you asked. The spiritual faith I grew up in taught that the key to spiritual growth, to life, to the entire reason for our existence, to the root of every major religion and spiritual practice, is love. Divine love is the fabric that connects us all, and it appears in so many different ways.
Often we feel separated from this love, and our relationships with other people provide an access point for that love. While it may not always feel like it, that love is actually available to us all the time. The interaction we have with other creatures—family, children, parents, friends, significant others, lovers, business partners, pets—give us a way to access that feeling of love and remind us that we are always surrounded by this love.
We can also access this love within ourselves, hence the importance of self love. When we love and understand ourselves and come to terms with all of our aspects, both positive and negative, it helps us have healthier and deeper connections with other people.
Of course, this is an ongoing process and doesn’t happen overnight. Even starting on that journey is an amazing thing. After all, the relationship you have with yourself is the longest and most intense one you will ever have. It’s worth the effort.
Love Rituals
Whether you’re interested in calling in romantic love, familial love, or self love, below I’ve listed some essential oils, plants, and crystals you can work with.
When you’re doing love magic, it’s important to be clear about your goal. You can set the intention to invite romantic love into your life or to improve your relationship with yourself.
My suggestion is to be both practical and honest with yourself. When you’re reading through the information on oils, plants, and crystals, see what catches your eye.
If you can’t find something near you or don’t have extra money to spend, you can put the energy of your intentions into the universe without them as well. (See my section at the bottom of this post about meditating.) You can also take simple steps, such as changing the background on your phone to a flower listed below that makes you happy every time you see it.
When you’re calling in love or working on the love you have for yourself, I encourage you to do what you’re naturally guided to and what feels right. Spiritual practice, witchcraft, self care, all of these things vary depending on the individual and what feels right and resonates for each person.
Self Love
I bring this up specifically because it’s a big one. It’s become a bit of a trend lately, and I’m all for it. Everyone has something to offer and is worthy of love.
Often when we think we’re not worthy of love or only choose relationships that are bad for us. If we struggle with love, it’s often because there’s healing needed. The first step is to love yourself, fully and completely.
Don’t know where to start? I’ve got a simple rule of thumb: Do for yourself what you would do for someone you’re madly in love with.
Leave yourself notes in your calendar or planner saying simple things from “You’re amazing!” to "You look beautiful today." If something big is planned, like a presentation or interview, leave yourself a note on that day saying “I know you’re going to kill it!” Turn every doting thought, every word of encouragement that you’d give your partner, toward yourself.
This is something you can do whether you’re in a relationship or not—it’s never too late to show yourself some much-needed love, support, and affection.
Buy yourself some of your favorite flowers and put them on your desk or somewhere in your home where you’ll see them often. Find little ways to make yourself smile.
Sometimes it can also mean doing things you really want, even if you’re doing them alone, like eating dinner at your favorite restaurant, watching a sunset, or even taking a trip. Most of all, be kind to yourself—even after you’ve been hard on yourself.
Essential Oils
These essential oils can be added to a love candle, mixed into an oil diffuser, or incorporated in a sugar scrub, bath soak, or spray. For the last three, keep in mind you only need a drop or two.
Birch - Caraway - Cardamom - German Chamomile - Roman Chamomile - Cinnamon - Clove - Coriander - Dill - Ginger - Jasmine - Juniper - Lavandin - Lavender - Lemon - Lemon Verbena - Lime - Neroli - Sweet Orange - Palmarosa - Patchouli - Rose - Ylang-Ylang
Plants
There are a few different ways you can work with the plants and flowers. You can make a meal and use some of the ingredients as seasonings or the main fare. For example, you could make a dish that uses coriander, chili pepper, and lemon, or serve an apple crisp seasoned with cardamom and topped with almonds. Specific flowers can be used on a love altar or as a centerpiece, or you can use dried plants in beauty products.
Agapanthus - Almond - Aloe Vera - Wood Aloes - Apple - Apricot - Asphodel - Aster - Avocado - Balm of Gilead - Banana - Basil - Birch - Bloodroot - Bluebell - Bugleweed - Calendula - Camellia - Cardamom - Cherry - Chickweed - Chili Pepper - Black Cohosh - Coltsfoot - Columbine - Comfrey - Copal - Coriander - Crocus - Daffodil - English Daisy - Damiana - Dragon’s Blood - Elecampane - Fig - Forget-Me-Not - Frangipani - Geranium - Goldenrod - Hemp Agrimony - Hibiscus - Honeysuckle - Housesleek - Hyacinth - Jasmine - Lemon - Lemon Verbena - Lime - Magnolia - True Mandrake - Marjoram - Marshmallow - Meadowsweet - Mimosa - Myrrh - Myrtle - Narcissus - Orange - Pear - Periwinkle - Phlox - Field Poppy - Primrose - Rose - Rosemary - Saffron - Sorrel - Southernwood - Strawberry - Tomato - Valerian - Vervain - Violet
Crystals
Each crystal has more uses than just love, but you can use these with the intention of inviting love into your life, doing some heart healing or opening, and helping you to love yourself. You can put these crystals on your altar or place them around an object (especially if you make a love sugar scrub or bath soak) to charge them. You can also do a heart chakra meditation and place them on your chest while you’re meditating.
Chrysocolla - Dragon’s Blood Jasper - Emerald - Garnet - Green Olive Opal -Malachite - Pink Magano Calcite - Rose Quartz - Serpentine
Colors
Green - Red - Pink
Day of the Week
Friday is the best day for love-related work because it is named after Freyja (the day is literally Freyja’s Day), the Norse goddess of love, war, and fertility. You can mix sugar scrubs or bath salts and charge them by placing love crystals around them, create a love altar, or light dressed candles on this day.
Sugar Scrub
To make a love-themed sugar scrub, simply add any plants or essential oils of your choosing to a mixture of sugar and melted coconut oil. I aim for roughly three parts sugar to one part oil, but if you have a base you already like, you can easily go off of that.
Using a spice grinder or blender, grind up the dried herbs or plants you would like to use, such as dried roses. You can add a touch of spices you have that you would like to use. For example, you could make a lemon and rosemary sugar scrub using lemon zest and ground rosemary. Or you could grind up rose petals, add a squeeze of lemon, and a touch of cardamom.
Feel free to get creative! You can make these in small batches and see what combinations you like most. If you’re not sure how your skin will react, make a small batch and do a patch test on your arm or hand. If it itches or burns, it’s probably not right for you.
When you’re using the sugar scrub, you can repeat a phrase or mantra in your head if you like, such as “I love every aspect of myself and my body fully and completely” or “I invite love into my life.”
Bath Salts
To make a love-themed bath salt, you can start with about one or two cups of Epsom salt, depending on how much you have available and how salty you prefer your bath. I tend to eyeball the proportions depending on what feels right and the ingredients I have available, but it’s always easier to start with a small amount and see if it has the texture or smell you like.
If you have a muslin bath bag, you can place the salt with herbs in the bag. This is great if you want to throw in whole dried rose petals and chunky roots, which can clog up your tub drain if they’re loose in the water. If you don’t have a muslin bag, you can use a spice grinder or blender to grind up the dried herbs until they’re a fine powder. Mix them with the Epsom salt, and add a drop or two of essential oil if you like. Fully combine all the ingredients and see if they’re to your liking. You can always add a sprinkle of cardamom or cinnamon as well.
When you take a spiritual bath, it can be on a Friday (although it doesn’t have to be).
Dressing a Candle
If you want to include candle magic, you can also dress a glass pillar candle. If you’re going to include essential oils, use a long skewer (or something to that effect) to poke holes all the way from the top of the candle to the bottom. You can make as many holes as you like—it depends how much oil you want to use. Then drop the oils into the holes, which helps them infuse and continue to burn as the candle burns all the way down.
Next, sprinkle the herbs, plants, and spices you want to use on the top of the candle. This is better if you’re using ingredients like cayenne pepper, which do not work as well for topical use. You can charge the candle in advance if you like, but if you can, burn it on a Friday during a waxing moon (this Friday, February 15, 2019 is such a time). If you have them, you can place love crystals (or even just clear quartz) around the candle to help charge the intention.
Hold the candle with both hands, say what you want either in your head or out loud, and then light the candle. Ideally, it should burn all the way through, but that only works if there’s a place where you can safely burn it without leaving it unattended or it starting a fire if it’s knocked over. Many people place them in bowls of water, refilling the water if it gets low. If you do need to put the candle out, use a snuffer or place something over the flame that smothers it.
Spray
You can make a spray that gives you that lovin’ feeling, whether it’s to entice your partner or to promote loving yourself. The main things you need are a spray bottle and distilled water. If you’re using essential oils, you only need a drop or two of each oil to get the effect you want.
If you’re using dried herbs or flowers, you can infuse them in the water for a period of time. You can pour boiling water over them, letting the herbs sit either until the water is cool or overnight, and then strain the liquid into a spray bottle.
If you want to charge the spray, you can place it on a love altar, surround it with crystals, or even place crystals in the bottle to charge the liquid. Just shake the bottle before spraying it on yourself, and think of the intention you have in mind.
Meditating
Meditating can have a lot of power for us individually, and there are many ways you can meditate to bring love into your life. You can burn incense, place crystals on your body, and listen to guided meditations for love, opening the heart, or that are attuned for the heart chakra.
You can also create your own playlist of your favorite love songs and meditate in a place where you feel comfortable and supported. Place your hands over your heart, and go with what you feel. You can repeat phrases that are meaningful to you, give yourself compliments, or imagine the earth’s energy giving you love by wrapping its roots around you.
If you want to invite romantic love into your life, you can also imagine the ideal relationship you want. It can be with a specific person or a generic person (they don’t need to have specific features). Imagine yourselves together waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, talking throughout the day, going on adventures, doing something fun, doing something simple, going to events together, cuddling on the couch watching TV, being together through tough times, and saying good night to each other before you go to sleep. Focus on the feeling you have with this person, and let it emanate throughout your body. It might not fully come to mind the first or even second time, but it can give you a sense of the feeling you want to work toward, and you can clarify your intentions when you’re telling the universe what you want when it comes to love.
You can also do a similar practice when it comes to self love. Envision yourself in various situations, such getting ready for a day when you’re about to have a productive and successful day at your job, imagine yourself doing what you love and making money, see yourself in clothes that make you feel great about yourself, imagine yourself doing the activities you truly enjoy, eating the foods you love and feeling good, looking in the mirror and feeling the love you have for yourself, going to bed and giving yourself a big hug before you go to sleep.
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